One Step Closer
by Mel.K
Summary: Lit. "I guess I was hoping you’d be around a corner, behind a door, at the other end of the phone, telling me you were sorry and that you did love me and that you’d make it up to me."


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One Step Closer

A/N: For Sez and Jess. Thanks for letting me use the song/vid dude!

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Disclaimer: I don't own the show or the song. Obviously.

Takes me one step closer to the edge and I'm about to break

I need a little room to breathe

'Cause I'm one step closer to the edge and I'm about to…

Break

"Jess…" Rory pleaded with him as he turned to walk away. "You don't love me. You think you do but…" She tried to find the right words. "You're in love with the idea of loving me… Or someone." Her common sense was dismissed as she spoke to his back.

Jess was tired of thinking about her. Tired of longing for some sort of interaction with her. Sick of wondering if she would ever love him again. This was it. The final showdown, the last straw. He wouldn't be told who he did and didn't love. By the person he loved of all people.

"Do you get what I'm saying?" Rory's efforts to make Jess see sense were useless. _'We only hear what we are trained to listen for.' _Obviously, Jess wasn't trained to hear the truth. "Please look at me. Say something."

Jess turned slowly on his heel and looked into Rory's eyes with a coy expression plastered on his face. He burned the memory of her face into his mind, then turned and walked towards his car.

"Jess! Don't walk away! Maybe it's time to try something new and say what's on your mind."

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I can not take this anymore

Saying everything I've said before

All these words they make no sense

I found this in ignorance

Less I hear the less you say

You'll find out anyway

Just like before

Jess came to a halt. Without a word of warning he walked back up to Rory and stopped a foot or two in front of her.

"You want to know what's on my mind? Okay. I'll tell you what's on my mind. Food. I'm kinda hungry. Then sleep, 'cause I've been awake since six this morning."

"Don't be a jerk Jess. You know what I mean."

"No I don't. Why you tell me what's on my mind. You seem to be pretty good at that!"

"C'mon Jess! You haven't seen me in months. Then you show up out of the blue and proclaim your love for me? That's a little far fetched even for you!

"You should know Rory, that I don't say things I don't mean. And I definitely wouldn't put everything on the line and tell someone that resents me, that I love them, if I didn't."

"Please."

"Please what? Leave? 'Cause I'm more than willing to oblige."

"Fine. Be a coward. Walk away. See if I care."

"That's a little like the pot calling the kettle black isn't it? She who ran away, literally, at the first sign of some sort of confrontation."

"That's not fair. That was completely different!"

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Everything you say to me

Takes me one step closer to the edge and I'm about to break

I need a little room to breathe

'Cause I'm one step closer to the edge and I'm about to break

"Jeez. I've had it Rory. I've had enough of all of it. I'm done." Jess spat out. He didn't know what else he could say. It was one thing to tell someone you loved them and have them not say it back, but to have them tell you that you _didn't _love them… That was another experience altogether. She couldn't even do him the justice of letting him slink away as per usual.

"How did you think I was going to take it Jess? I've spent so long not pining over you. Not thinking about you. Not having boyfriends, because… I don't know. I guess I was hoping you'd be around a corner, behind a door, at the other end of the phone, telling me you were sorry and that you did love me and that you'd make it up to me. But you never were and you never did." Rory's voice broke with unshed tears, as her last words spilled into the icy air.

As the tiny droplets edged down her face, Jess winced. He'd never intended to make her cry. He just wanted to tell her how he felt, walk away and leave the ball in her court.

"I thought about it Rory. I did. I wanted to call so many times, but what was I supposed to say? Was there anything I could've said that would've made you hate me any less?" Jess's voice raised in pitch as he tried to persuade Rory of his intent.

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I found the answers aren't so clear

Wish I could find a way to disappear

All these thoughts they make no sense

I found this in ignorance

Nothing seems to go away

Over and over again

Just like before

Rory tried to hold herself together. As much as she wanted to just forgive and forget everything that had happened between the two of them and fall into Jess's waiting arms, Rory also wanted to punish him for all her tears. The waiting, the looking over her shoulder, the sleepless nights wondering. He was in the wrong here, not her.

"No." Rory sighed. "Nothing you could, or can say will change what happened. We both have different lives now, why mess that up? What's changed?"

"Nothing's changed. I feel about now exactly the same as I felt about you then. Just then I was too stupid to realise it." Jess searched Rory's eyes desperately for some tell-tale sign of her thoughts, but there was nothing. Time, age, perhaps wisdom had taught her to shield her emotions from public view.

"You said you wished I had been around a corner, or on the other end of a phone. Well I'm here now." Jess forced himself to look into Rory's pained eyes. She glared back in defiance.

"It's too late Jess."

"No it's not."

"What? Yes it is."

"No. It's not. I'm here, you're here. I'm not perfect Rory, but I'm not the screwed up kid I was a year ago."

"And how do I know that six months from now, we won't have a fight and you'll leave again?"

"I don't know. I guess you'll have to…" Jess found himself unable to finish his sentence.

"Trust you?" Jess didn't reply.

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Shut up when I'm talkin' to you

Shut up

Shut up

Shut up

"Yeah." Jess looked away. Ashamed almost. Scared of her reaction.

Rory contemplated this for a moment. She couldn't believe she was going to go against everything her heart wanted to say… scream at the top of its lungs actually. But this was Jess. The one person who'd succeeded in both making and breaking Rory. There was only one that she could say.

"Jess…" As she paused for somewhat of a dramatic effect, Jess began to back away. He felt himself closing up. The doors of opportunity were getting the self-protect orders, and abiding by them. "No, wait." Rory pleaded, before taking a step towards Jess. "You need to hear this, for once and for all. I can't trust you. I'm sorry. I want to. But… You…" Jess nodded. Eyes glazed over, he glanced towards his car, his body about to follow suit, when Rory spoke again.

"Will you settle for loving you instead?" Jess averted his gaze back to Rory. "I tried, but I can't not love you." She shrugged slightly, before reaching up and pressing her lips gently to his.

Hardly earth changing, definitely nothing special. But if Jess died right now, he'd die a happy man.

"I know you have to go. But I'll be here if you decide to come back." She whispered with a smile.

"I will come back. I don't know when, but I will. I promise." He kissed Rory lightly on the tip of her nose. Jess sighed contentedly. "I love you." He breathed. As his warm breath filled the night air, Jess walked towards his car in a state of euphoria. For once something had gone Jess's way. And this time he would do everything in his power to keep it that way.

THE END


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